Alpacas. Why?

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Alpacas. Why?
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Gervase

Joined: 17 Nov 2004
Posts: 8655

Posted: Tue Mar 22, 05 10:56 am Post subject: Alpacas. Why?

The latest issue of Country Smallholding has just arrived, and the alpaca plague seems to be getting worse.
What is it with these creatures? You can't eat them, there's no viable market for their fleeces, you can't milk them and they cost up to four grand for a breeding pair. Yet the glossy adverts and supplements continue to pile up, all trying to seduce us into the joys of alpaca ownership.
Am I being a cynic here, thinking that it's some sort of multi-level marketing scam (remember the great ostrich boom of a few years back), with a few poor sods desperate to persuade the rest of us to buy the beasts to offload their own massive investments?
Is there a "Mr Big" of the alpaca world, rubbing his hands together in glee under his poncho at having found so many gullible punters already?
Reading the copious glossy promotional bumf, one learns that the plus points for the alpaca are:
1) They give a lovely fleece (but there's no established market for it),
2) They're cute,
3) Er, that's it.
Does anyone here keep alpacas, and can they tell me if they are anything other than gormless-looking, pointless, fluffy money-eaters?
Let's hear it from the alpaca's mouth!

tahir

Joined: 28 Oct 2004
Posts: 45671
Location: Essex

Posted: Tue Mar 22, 05 10:58 am Post subject:
So there's no alpacas headed your way then?

Gervase

Joined: 17 Nov 2004
Posts: 8655

Posted: Tue Mar 22, 05 11:01 am Post subject:
I'm having trouble enough trying to dissuade SWMBO from getting a ruddy goat. If Alpacas start trotting nto the yard, I'll get packing!

Bugs

Joined: 28 Oct 2004
Posts: 10744

Posted: Tue Mar 22, 05 11:04 am Post subject:
I rather fancy them myself...or a llama...Alison has one or t'other, doesn't she? And I think she uses the wool herself. Some llamas are kept with sheep...supposed to work as a kind of guard... And of course if we didn't have them there would never have been the llama farmer drama headline a while back and for that in itself I think there should me more of them Surely you can eat them?

judith

Joined: 16 Dec 2004
Posts: 22789
Location: Montgomeryshire

Posted: Tue Mar 22, 05 11:05 am Post subject:
I have the same attitude towards llamas. What's this llama trekking business? Apart from the fact they can carry your packed lunch for you, how does taking a camelid along with you enhance the walking experience. I've got a dog to talk to if I need company. In fairness, I suppose the poo is quite useful.

Bugs

Joined: 28 Oct 2004
Posts: 10744

Posted: Tue Mar 22, 05 11:05 am Post subject:

Gervase wrote:

I'm having trouble enough trying to dissuade SWMBO from getting a ruddy goat.

Mary-Jane, are you out there? Nanny of this parish is trying to rehome a trio of goats for a friend

judith

Joined: 16 Dec 2004
Posts: 22789
Location: Montgomeryshire

Posted: Tue Mar 22, 05 11:06 am Post subject:

Bugs wrote:

Surely you can eat them?

That would be one expensive steak!

judith

Joined: 16 Dec 2004
Posts: 22789
Location: Montgomeryshire

Posted: Tue Mar 22, 05 11:11 am Post subject: Re: Alpacas. Why?

Gervase wrote:

Is there a "Mr Big" of the alpaca world, rubbing his hands together in glee under his poncho at having found so many gullible punters already?

It's probably the same evil mastermind that sends teams of pan pipe players to all the city centres of Europe, to assault our ears with Abba's greatest hits. I'm sure it must be part of a great dastardly plot.

Mary-Jane

Joined: 13 Jan 2005
Posts: 18397
Location: The Fishing Strumpet is from Ceredigion in West Wales

Posted: Tue Mar 22, 05 11:15 am Post subject:

Bugs wrote:

Gervase wrote:

I'm having trouble enough trying to dissuade SWMBO from getting a ruddy goat.

Mary-Jane, are you out there? Nanny of this parish is trying to rehome a trio of goats for a friend

Listen you lot, some of us are trying to earn a crust to support their ranting husband, 3 kids, 12 sheep (9 of whom are up the duff - tarts!) and a crumbling farmhouse...do you really think I have time to discuss the ins and outs of Alpaca rearing?

However, goats are a different subject. Would LOVE a trio of goats - but value my marriage more. Although 'goat-owning' is not yet cited as one of statutory criteria for divorce, I'm sure Gervase would set a legal precedent if he could...

Last edited by Mary-Jane on Tue Mar 22, 05 11:24 am; edited 1 time in total

tahir

Joined: 28 Oct 2004
Posts: 45671
Location: Essex

Posted: Tue Mar 22, 05 11:17 am Post subject:
What's he got against goats? They're edible and fairly low maintenance too.

Mary-Jane

Joined: 13 Jan 2005
Posts: 18397
Location: The Fishing Strumpet is from Ceredigion in West Wales

Posted: Tue Mar 22, 05 11:19 am Post subject:

tahir wrote:

What's he got against goats? They're edible and fairly low maintenance too.

He's worried about them being "Evil, smelly, hedge chomping-escape-artists...and if we're going to be making cheese, it's an awful lot of milking for very little return..." Or something like that.

Gervase

Joined: 17 Nov 2004
Posts: 8655

Posted: Tue Mar 22, 05 11:25 am Post subject:
That wasn't goats, you daft bint, that was wives Er, I'll get me coat...

tahir

Joined: 28 Oct 2004
Posts: 45671
Location: Essex

Posted: Tue Mar 22, 05 11:27 am Post subject:

Gervase wrote:

Er, I'll get me coat...

You'd better run mate

Mary-Jane

Joined: 13 Jan 2005
Posts: 18397
Location: The Fishing Strumpet is from Ceredigion in West Wales

Posted: Tue Mar 22, 05 11:50 am Post subject:

Gervase wrote:

That wasn't goats, you daft bint, that was wives
Er, I'll get me coat...

Harrumph!

"I'll give you a 100 yards head start..." (as she unlocks the shot gun cabinet)

Last edited by Mary-Jane on Tue Mar 22, 05 11:52 am; edited 1 time in total

Bugs

Joined: 28 Oct 2004
Posts: 10744

Posted: Tue Mar 22, 05 11:51 am Post subject:
Perhaps, with your legal experience, you'll be able to wangle a job on the prison farm

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